Shopping Dysmorphia
While my self-love journey has been a life-long quest, there was a time when I thought that I wasn’t good enough to shop at certain stores. I felt like people of my circumstance, lived a life within a certain parameter. These self-imposed walls kept me safe from scrutiny. Even hitting my local mall was quite the internal process! It had to be on day when my introversion was up for a social interaction and when I was dressed up enough to feel accepted. Yet, this feeling that I hadn’t earned my seat at the table didn’t originally stem from my introversion traits, it was something deeper more imposed. Maybe even self-imposed. That scene where Julia Roberts gets kicked out of a luxury store on Rodeo Drive pretty much sums my fears as an adolescent, there was a world I was excluded from.
Wearing in Picture Above:
While today I might still feel like that about certain lux
shops, I have come to the understanding that this battle had more to do with a
feeling like I couldn’t afford anything in those stores; therefore, I didn’t
belong there. I have always been too
honest - even too honest to play window shopper. While window shopping is the
opening scene at “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” I find that if I am not going to buy,
looking the proverbial window depresses me…
Through thrifting I started buying items from stores that I had wanted to step inside, but was afraid that they were out of my league. Sad, but I used to think that if I went inside a store and I didn’t buy anything that the employees were judging me negatively. Sometimes I would buy something just to feel like I hadn’t wasted anyone’s time by going in. I still hate store associates that ask too many questions and don’t leave me alone when I go inside a store. Yet, in thrifting and I mean real thrifting (not resale, privately owned stores or boutiques) I found (for a minute) a store that I felt too good for! I mean for the most part customer service is okay, no one follows you around asking if you are ok, the merchandise is a chaos, the clientele can include homeless people and usually they are located in areas that some people might be uncomfortable frequenting.
Anthropologie Panther Ruffled Midi Dress purchased at the store.
Yet, thrifting had me coming over items from stores that I
had always wanted to walk through and maybe even buy an item- but felt too
apprehensive about going in. By finding
items from the stores that I had wanted to shop at- I got the courage to start
going into untraveled territory. One,
such store and you might laugh is my forever favorite Anthropologie. After finding some items thrifting I decided
to take a chance and go into the store that even has its own scent! In short thrifting has given me the courage
to go into stores that before felt off limits.
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